Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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