she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
