see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
