that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
