I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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