It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
