you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
