Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
