I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Be still, my beating vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
