hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You took a bar mat shot.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
