dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
