I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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