The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
only if we run a train.
done.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
