this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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