I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
farters have to be the big spoon...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
