just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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