i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
