I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
