Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
where are my eyebrows?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
