After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
