everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Randomize
