There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
