it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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