we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize