I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
