Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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