Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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