O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
