the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
