So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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