so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
