oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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