The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
