He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
