i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
