Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
