Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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