We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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