you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
