Sponge bath it is.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
