I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
