I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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