remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
