He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
