I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
