Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
