Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
birth control should be required to get into college
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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