jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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