My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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