haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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