great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
