we're chasing vodka with high fives
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize