there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
