I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
