you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
