okay pat passed out under dana's car
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
