I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
