I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
