I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
