I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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