idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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