just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
