That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
