The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
