so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
