meet me or not, i'm out of control
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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