I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
