Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
