he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
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We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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