Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
