Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
