ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
