You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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