he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
