They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
