I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
