i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
