my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
