she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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