Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
