Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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