I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
