Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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