Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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